I have no good answer for this problem. Sometimes life gets in the way of my diet.
Right now it's illness. The children are falling victim to an Evil Barf Thing. Technically this turn of events shouldn't truly sabotage my dieting tactics. I am unable to get out and run (sick kids = kids home from school) but otherwise my previously scheduled Eating Right and Killing Myself With Jillian should remain intact.
It isn't the illness, it's the anxiety. I just cannot handle puke. Know how some people are just too scared to fly? Yeah, that would be me and vomit. We are seriously incompatible.
How do I cope with the stress? Comfort food (bean meal anyone? Mr. Noodle I know, NOT food! candy), alcohol and lots and lots of tv. What? Me? Hiding from my problem? Hells yes.
I am under the impression that I should handle this differently. A little voice in the back of my head yells that I could channel my anxiety into fuel for the fire. Run farther. Exercise harder. Cook insanely complicated healthy meals.
Between the stress of my phobia and the guilt for my coping mechanisms I feel like I'm failing. Failing as a parent. Being close to my boys scares me (OMG, the horror of just the idea of being puked ON. Holy hell.). Failing as a wife. Scott bears the brunt of the work involved in Vomit Triage. Failing as a friend. I have to cancel on everyone all the time. Failing myself. I can't even manage to stick to my friggin' diet.
When I start to throw myself this Super Amazing Pity Party (wanna come? You know you do!) I have to remember that I'm human. It's ok to be flawed. Yes, vomit scared the bujeezus out of me. Yes, that's dumb. So what? So what if I cheat on my diet to get through it? I'm getting through it and that's what counts.
Next week will be better.