Sunday, February 26, 2012

When life gets in the way.......

I have no good answer for this problem. Sometimes life gets in the way of my diet.

Right now it's illness. The children are falling victim to an Evil Barf Thing. Technically this turn of events shouldn't truly sabotage my dieting tactics. I am unable to get out and run (sick kids = kids home from school) but otherwise my previously scheduled Eating Right and Killing Myself With Jillian should remain intact.


It isn't the illness, it's the anxiety. I just cannot handle puke. Know how some people are just too scared to fly? Yeah, that would be me and vomit. We are seriously incompatible.

How do I cope with the stress? Comfort food (bean meal anyone? Mr. Noodle I know, NOT food! candy), alcohol and lots and lots of tv. What? Me? Hiding from my problem? Hells yes.

I am under the impression that I should handle this differently. A little voice in the back of my head yells that I could channel my anxiety into fuel for the fire. Run farther. Exercise harder. Cook insanely complicated healthy meals.

Between the stress of my phobia and the guilt for my coping mechanisms I feel like I'm failing. Failing as a parent. Being close to my boys scares me (OMG, the horror of just the idea of being puked ON. Holy hell.). Failing as a wife. Scott bears the brunt of the work involved in Vomit Triage. Failing as a friend. I have to cancel on everyone all the time. Failing myself. I can't even manage to stick to my friggin' diet.

When I start to throw myself this Super Amazing Pity Party (wanna come? You know you do!) I have to remember that I'm human. It's ok to be flawed. Yes, vomit scared the bujeezus out of me. Yes, that's dumb. So what? So what if I cheat on my diet to get through it? I'm getting through it and that's what counts.

Next week will be better.


  1. What, you're human? You have flaws? That can't be true!

    Sarcasm aside, it sounds like you already have a good mentality on the issue. You've identified the problem, understand how and why you react to it, and accept the outcomes of your actions. That's pretty good coping right there!

    I don't have a major phobia (does fear of pain count?), so I don't know exactly how you feel. I think with phobias one can avoid them to the point where it hinders their life, cope well enough to get along but never get over it, or take steps to get over it. Only you can decide which way to react. My psych classes say it is very, very hard for people to get over phobias without help, but with help it is quite possible.

    I don't think you are failing. I'm pretty sure everyone who has ever met you is constantly amazed at how well you ALWAYS succeed.

    Your kids love you (more than anyone!) and probably don't even notice the vomit fear makes you think differently of them. Your husband appreciates all the other million things you do; he probably doesn't mind the vomit triage since a) it makes you feel better to avoid doing it, and b) you probably traded a task he doesn't want to do. Your friends understand that dude, 4 kids sometimes means you have to cancel. It's a part of life. Sure it's disappointing to not be able to hang out, but personally I feel worse that you have to have a sucky day. As for yourself, the point of the challenge is to allow for random s*** to get in the way but still make it. You will get back on track. You always do.

    You know your limits. It sounds like you are sacrificing yourself (dieting, exercise) for the sake of taking care of your family. If Mr. Noodle is what you need to have the courage to tackle the vomit stain with Spot Shot, then don't feel guilty for it. Better that than eating a salad and then yelling at your kid for throwing up.

    You can and will get through this! Cope as best you can for now. In the future, when life is peachy, that is the time to contemplate if you are happy managing your phobia, or if you want to start taking steps to conquering it. Whatever you decide, we will be here for you!


    1. Aww!! I love how honest you are Krista!! Most of us have 'our thing' we do not like about ourselves. One of mine is returning important emails. Due to having an email device in my hand, or in my pocket all day, I see that I get emails...I read them, then think that I need more time then a quick mobile response, because I am doing something else at the time and cannot give my full attention to replying to such an important email. Then I forget about the email for a couple days, then it pops into my head when I am multi-tasking and doing something else...then it gets forgotten about for a week. This is where I get embarrassed. I am so ashamed of not replying to this email that I put it off even longer for the reason of how to apologize for being unreliable. Sometimes this goes on for months...then I do not know how to reply at all. Sometimes at this point I bite the bullet and hope they did not really miss my response and sometimes I try to ignore the issue.

      I still do not know how to deal with this kind of stuff..but I do try to reply as soon as possible now...well sometimes. haha

  2. Sick kids are awful. They throw the whole family into chaos. Don't worry about falling off the train - everyone does it and sometimes for a much less valid reason.
    Jillian will wait for you... she's nice like that.
    Besides, the stress will probably be a good workout for your heart ;)